so soon?

I have a belly.

Look, I'm not a skinny girl. I've always had a belly. I'm apple-shaped. But my belly is a LOT bigger than it was even two weeks ago. I can't button my jeans - I'm holding them together with a hair elastic, although I'm hoping to finish sewing a belly band by tomorrow.

So yeah, everyone who ever told me that you pooch out about three seconds after your bfp with baby #2 was dead on.

Also, my boobs are bigger and inexplicably warm.

So the question is, how do I keep this pregnancy under wraps for the next seven weeks?

365

That's a doubling time of 39 hours, or 1.6 days. In short, it's fabulous. My nurse was suitably impressed. On November 16 we'll do an ultrasound to see who's bouncing around in there.

Sorry it took me so long to post... Kali WOULD NOT NAP today. At one point she sat on my bed and stroked my hair while I napped, but she wouldn't sleep. It led to some interesting moments this evening.

Long story short, all the information we currently have points to good things for this pregnancy. Of course, that doesn't mean much on a cosmic scale, but I'll take what I can get.

Relief

I feel relieved. After 6 IUI's, our first IVF managed to get me pregnant.

You might think that the relief lies in knowing that I'm on my way to having the big family I've always wanted, in knowing that I'm growing another person. You might think that, but you'd be wrong.

I harbour no illusions that a positive pregnancy test means that in nine months there will be a take-home baby. None. I'm not really counting on this pregnancy to produce a baby. Maybe it will. I hope it will. But that's not the source of my relief, since the idea of this pregnancy brings a bit of anxiety with it.

No, I'm relieved because, for a little while at least, I can stop. I can stop the early-morning trips to the clinic. I can stop injecting myself with hormones. I can stop acting like I'm fine when all I want is to go back to bed and cry bitterly. I get to take a break.

My second beta, tomorrow, might give us a hint as to how long that break will be. Long or short, I do plan to enjoy it.

156

That's our lucky number. The nurse assured me that it's a very good number, especially since we did the beta a day earlier than the clinic usually does. I can't help remembering that my beta with Kali (same dpo) was 637, but, well, I'll take my nurse at her word. Besides, we all know that it's about the rate of increase and NOT about the absolute number. Right? Right?

So, it's official. Please - if you know me IRL, or even on FB, don't mention this. A few key people will be told, but other than that I don't plan to make any official announcements. When people figure it out, they figure it out.

all hpt's are equal, but some are more equal than others

You were all right. First off, a line is a line. But second, the dollar store tests are insanely faint compared to this:



Do you suppose the clinic would yell at me if I showed up for a beta tomorrow instead of Friday?

vision test.

Mr. December and I can't quite agree. How many lines do you see?



This one has been altered slightly - I increased the exposure and contrast.




It's 14 dpo (11 dp3dt), my urine wasn't super-concentrated, and these shadowy lines came up within 10 minutes. Also, they're definitely pink, and there are two of them. Is it too much to hope?

Oh, and does the faintness of the line have anything to do with the viability of the pregnancy?

I've been a bit despondent...

... and I only just figured out why. I'm so slow.

The worst part of IVF, so far, has been the complete lack of sex. No sex. It's been two weeks. Add to that the fact that I (partially?) observe the laws of Taharat Hamishpacha (which means no sex from CD1 until I'm positive I've stopped bleeding and/or spotting, and even then only after I've immersed in the mikvah), and you'll understand why I'm feeling deprived. It has been a long, long time.

All I can decently say about the resolution of this issue is that I've reminded Mr. December that our repertoire used to be more varied, once upon a time. Somehow, before it would have been appropriate to be consummating our relationship, we still managed more than our fair share of pleasure.

Last night I demanded satisfaction. Nobody was slapped with a glove and there was no duel, but I did get my choice of weapons.

I feel better now.

Who spiked my OJ?

Okay, people. Fess up. Who put Fentanyl in my orange juice?

I slept today until 2:30 p.m. - oh, sure, I got up for 20 minutes to feed Kali and get her dressed to go to her grandparents' house, but as soon as she walked out the door I was back in bed. The next thing I knew, it was 2:30.

I still feel drugged. And I'm not just saying that - I know what drugged feels like! Really, my limbs feel heavy and I feel like I could sleep from now into tomorrow.

Repeat after me:

It's just the progesterone.

(but wouldn't it be nice if it wasn't?)

the suspense is killing me

Really, I'm not usually this impatient at 8 dpo. Is it the progesterone talking, or have I lost the ability to wait and see? I want answers now! GAAAH.

The score: Sara - 2 Envy - 1

In the last two days I've found out that two more of my friends are pregnant. Based on their own disclosures, they both conceived within 5 months of stopping birth control. They're also those elusive "fertile myrtles" who got pregnant with their first babies the first time they tried. Yes, apparently they do exist.

Anyhow, I was able to be genuinely happy for them, albeit a bit subdued. Envy was nowhere to be seen. For now.