Saturday, February 02, 2008

"So it turns out you're not infertile!" (rant)

Believe it or not, I've heard this line from quite a few people in the wake of my successful pregnancy. Somehow nobody got the memo on the definition of infertility, and those who have gotten it have filed it under "g". Their argument runs along the lines of "well, you did get pregnant, and you have a baby now, so that means you're not infertile!"

Let me say this once just to be clear... even though I'm preaching to the choir here. Bear with me.

Infertility is a biological disorder involving organs that are not functioning properly. Fertility treatments involve medications and procedures that mimic the natural process that is supposed to be happening, the way that insulin injections mimic the release of insulin that a diabetic's body should be doing but can't. These days, diabetics on insulin actually can eat some sugars depending on the dosage of insulin they take before meals (as I understand it - please don't crucify me if I'm totally wrong). Yet nobody would dream of telling such a diabetic, "oh... you're eating a cookie. I'm so glad you're not diabetic anymore!"

See how wrong that would be?

Telling an infertile who successfully achieved and maintained a pregnancy that she's not infertile anymore is the same. Treatments have allowed infertiles to temporarily overcome the effects of infertility. They are not a cure. I'm infertile. I'm also very, very lucky to have had success with the available treatments.

End of rant.


Aurelia said...

Yeah, this would drive me insane too. In fact, it has in the past.

Keep preaching my dear. Yes, you have achieved this pregnancy and baby, but it's not like you can just do it again like snap your fingers! sigh....

butterflyanla said...

I see ppl are still giving you ass-vice even after little Kali has arrived. I guess it probably gets worse at this point since you will now have ppl telling you how to parent. I think that there are ppl who just don't get IF. I feel like I know and am realted to a lot of those ppl. You can talk yourself hoarse and in many cases it won't do any good. Keep your chin up, hug that cute baby, and keep trying to make ppl understand.

ms. c said...

Amen sister! (A million times over.)

I have had numerous people say similar things to me. This line of thinking really belittles the struggle that we have been through and it`s infuriating.

Jennifer said...

You are just the best. You know that, right?


Barb said...

AMEN Sister!
If only EVERYONE could understand this so they don't make stupid ass comments!

You are an inspiration to all of us Infertiles!

SaraS-P said...

Thanks for this rant!

I get angry when I am told, "Sara, stop using that word! You're not infertile! You've been pregnant twice!"

Infertility does not equal sterility. After over 2 years of trying, I have no child or anyone growing in my uterus... what do you call that? And once you do manage to sustain a pregnancy, your hardly a recovered infertile. It is not like another try would work out just like that!

Maybe if we start saying "fertility challenged" or something?

BoB said...

I SO understand what you mean! I've had people insinuate to me that since IVF worked on us- we must not have needed it- ummm- that makes NO SENSE.

Karen said...

Yeah, after my miscarriage last year, a "friend" quibbled with me calling myself infertile because well, I'd obviously gotten pregnant.

The WORST thing was... his wife was then pregnant with a baby conceived via IVF for male factor infertility. So he should have totally understood why he was completely, utterly, and unbelievably WRONG.