So fast.

On Friday, Kali started wearing size one diapers instead of the newborn ones. I cried at the loss of the tiny newborn baby she was. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the rocking chair, holding her and sniffing her head.

On Saturday we took her to a party. For seven hours. She ate and slept like she does at home. I had a blast.

On Sunday my FIL dropped in without calling. We reiterated that he needs to call us. The kicker was that we already had plans to go over to the in-laws' house that evening, so I ended up with double the parent time. Grrr.

On Monday Kali cried from 6 pm to midnight. We think she was overtired. None of her rocking or vibrating seats were able to soothe her, so I developed some serious biceps as I rocked her, face down, in my arms and sang my entire repertoire of Sinatra songs.

On Tuesday night Kali took a bottle of expressed breast milk - Mr. December took one night feeding. No fuss, no confusion. Afterwards she started to cry and then to really wail. It was like a knife in my heart, that sound... hearing her distress and not calming her. It was very different from the times when she cries while I get dressed and I talk her through it. Very different. I almost cried.

None of these experiences will be forever. Kali will keep growing and changing. I know this, and a part of me welcomes seeing her get bigger, learn to smile and laugh and crawl. But another part of me wants to hold onto her just as she is, for as long as I can. She's growing so fast, and it's only been a month.

(happy one month, sweet girl)