Saturday, June 30, 2007

Wow, I'm just lazy

It's not that I'm not having thoughts about posts all the time... it's not that I have nothing to post about.

I'm just lazy. Sorry.

We told my cousin, my grandmother, and an aunt about the pregnancy last night. My grandmother beamed and said nothing. My aunt, who knows about our IF journey, said "Oh, that's wonderful." and my cousin kept saying, every four minutes, "oh my god, you're PREGNANT? You're gonna have a BABY? That's amazing!"

Did I mention that said cousin is 39 years old?

Anyhow, his constant outbursts annoyed my grandmother, who said that it was too much talk about the pregnancy and wouldn't be good for the outcome. But for just a few minutes, I was genuinely feeling glowy and excited about being pregnant. The feeling faded, but I'm so grateful to my cousin for helping me to feel it, even a bit.

Why am I so un-excited? And when will that change?

Thursday, June 28, 2007

All clear

Our ultrasound went well today, if you don't count the fact that they wouldn't let Mr. December into the room for the first 20 minutes. Given that the last time I went into an ultrasound room they told me my baby had died, I was understandably distressed.

So back to this time. The tech started to measure stuff and record her description for the doctor. After about 15 minutes, I asked, "um, sorry for interrupting, but is there a heartbeat? Is the baby alive?" She looked at me like I was nuts and said, "of course it is. I can see the heartbeat right here!" Gee, lady. Thanks for telling me.

I don't want you to get the wrong impression - the tech was really sweet and friendly - it's just that she had no way of knowing how anxious I was.

Anyhow, here's how it breaks down:

Lumpy is measuring 12w1d (right on time)
Heartrate is 139 bpm
Nuchal translucency was 1.8 mm, which I understand is completely normal, so good.
Crown-rump length was 59mm

Altogether, everything looks perfectly fine. I still can't make out most of the stuff that the tech was pointing to, but if she says that she can see a brain, a stomach, a heart, and so on, I'm inclined to believe her.

We got a couple of pictures, but they look kind of smooshy rather than nice and clear.

That is all. We're going public with this pregnancy, effective immediately.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

12 weeks

Yes, it's that time. My nuchal translucency scan is tomorrow at noon. I'll update shortly after that.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Here I am...

Although I have either two days or two weeks left, depending on who you listen to, I have reason to believe that I've got one foot in the second trimester right now.

Exhibit A: Despite some lingering nausea, I'm hungry now. I haven't been hungry since April. And I actually feel like eating.

Exhibit B: I haven't had a weekday afternoon nap in a week, and I'm doing okay.

Exhibit C: I'm feeling well enough to do manual labour around the new house.

What am I to make of it, if it's not the second tri moving in?

The nuchal scan is on Thursday. By Friday, everyone will know that I'm pregnant... which isn't surprising considering that I'm now fully into maternity clothes and have stopped sucking in my tummy. Oh, joy. I sense more posts about stupid bystander comments. Stay tuned.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

What I really, really want

More MIL craziness:

MIL: "ooh, let's go over all the things that are already developed in the baby!" (yes, she actually said this)
Me: "Let's not."

MIL: "So, what foods have you given up?"
Me: "Given up? Like, for Lent? We're Jewish, and Lent was months ago."
MIL: "No, for the baby."
Me: "Oh. Well, I don't smoke crack anymore. I've also given up putting up with stupid questions. But that's not a food."
MIL: "Well, you have to eat lots of Omega-fatty-acid fish, right?
Me: "I don't eat fish."
MIL: "But what about the baby's brain?"
Me: "We don't actually have that kind of control, you know."

So after realizing how much fun I was having being a snarky-ass, I realized: I shouldn't wait to become all gaga and baby-crazed. That's not my style. I am enjoying this pregnancy. I'm enjoying burping for two, rolling my eyes for two, and bitching for two. I plan to have a snarky comeback for every stupid question. When people go gaga, I'll be going sarcastic. That's just who I am.

Oh, and I say fuck a lot. Enjoy.

Friday, June 22, 2007

EUREKA! A reno revelation!

I'm such a dumbass, can't believe I didn't think of this sooner...

Here we are, freaking out about the costs of the improvements we're making to our house, and thinking we have to do it all at the same time, or that we might as well. And then I bought some decorating magazines and flipped through some books, and it came to me: paint.

We don't have to tile the bathroom just yet. We don't have to install the kitchen backsplash. We can just have the workmen install the basic stuff - the plumbing, electricity, drywall, and subfloor - and then do a temporary finish with paint. We can paint the subfloor and seal it with urethane, and ditto with the shower enclosure. We don't have to make any major decisions about tile, and we can save that part of the cost until we're financially ready to do it. Awesome!

(and yes, this revelation happened after reading too much De.bbie how did you guess?)

Anyhow, I feel like a weight has been lifted. And now that I'm feeling less tired and less nauseated, I'm in the mood to do some of the work myself. Now, who's with me? Anybody wanna put on some coveralls and help me paint?

Thursday, June 21, 2007

laughing my ass off...

Through Mel's commentathon at Stirrup queens, I've found Akeeyu's blog. This woman is a genius. She's hysterically funny. And this post totally cracked me up. It's so true! Read and enjoy.

It's time for a game...

Thanks to Shlomit for inspiring me to do this.

For those who want to play... google "[your name] needs" (make sure it's in quotation marks, and actually put your name in there). Then list the top ten hits on your blog... not the url's, just the sentence that says "[your name] needs...". I tried with "Decemberbaby" and came up totally empty handed... so I had to go with my real name instead. Enjoy!

1. Sara needs a loving, playful home. (why yes, I do. And I'm so lucky to have it already)

2. Sara needs to discover the experts in the area. (which area?)

3. Sara needs you. (again, technically accurate. Actually, I need you to leave me comments so that I feel loved!)

4. Sara needs Sara time.

5. Sara needs support in learning to make safe choices that more effectively reflect her goals and desired outcomes, including planning for special holidays...

6. Sara needs a lawyer?

7. Sara needs a kind soul to sponsor her.

8. Sara needs our help.

9. Sara needs a caesarean section. (um, I don't think so!)

10. Sara needs to go, she needed to go weeks ago.

There you have it. Apparently I need all kinds of things I had no idea I needed.

Stay tuned this week... I'm brewing an interesting religion/spirituality post, and another post about how Mr. D and I have different feelings about "coming out" as infertiles.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

the bathroom, the sinuses, the love.

the bathroom:
Met with the bathroom guy yesterday. His estimate is a bit more than we wanted to pay, but still within the realm of reasonable. I'm going to see if he'll negotiate at all, but in the end we'll probably sign with him anyway. His timeline fits ours, he knows what he's doing, and he always answers his phone calls. good 'nuff.

the sinuses:
I'm still congested, but completely free of the searing sinus pain I had yesterday. I guess the salt water I snorted up my nose did something. Or else my immune system has finally decided to fight back. Either way, I'm better today than I was yesterday, though still sick and stuffy.

the love:
Mr. December has finally convinced me that instead of complaining about my inability to go to the grocery store, I should just throw money at the problem... so yesterday I placed my very first order with gro.cery gate.way. I ordered last night at dinnertime, and this morning they delivered all of my groceries to the front door. The produce looks awesome and the order is perfect - I'm smitten! This is way better than driving and schlepping and gagging from the smell of the deli counter. I'm officially in love.

That's all for now. At some point I have to throw money at the laundry problem too, which requires a little more work than the grocery problem but is still totally worth it. And then I will drink my raspberry lemonade, eat the newly delivered fruits, and take a good long cold-busting nap.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

It always happens this way...

It figures. Yesterday I was at the doctor's office with nothing more than the common cold. Not twelve hours later my sinuses started to ache. Um, sorry, but couldn't you guys get your act together in time for the doctor to help?!?

(that was me talking to my sinuses. another clear sign that I'm losing it.)

Apparently my cousin really needs my help. Her newborn kept waking up every hour last night, and today her four-year-old is bouncing around needing to go to soccer, playgroup, whatever else it is that four-year-olds do all day. I'd love to go and help out, actually. I really get off on stepping in and helping like that... but there's the matter of this pesky cold, which I definitely don't need to bring into their home. Sucks, because I'd hate to be sleep deprived and have to deal with the four-year-old, but hey. My turn will come. And I'll help her next time.

Today I plan to stay in bed and drink Gatorade. Gross, but not as gross as water. And around noon I'll get my ass out of bed and drive out to meet potential bathroom contractor #54, so that we can move into a functional house this summer. I really hope he pans out... I'm running out of contacts.

Maybe I should shower. Or eat breakfast (not hungry). Or do anything but be stuck to my computer.

Oh, what the hell. I'm off to read all of your blogs...

Monday, June 18, 2007

First doctor's appointment

I met my doctor today. Nice lady. I think we'll get along fine.

I had zero questions to ask her. It probably made me look like a really clueless uninvolved mother-to-be... but in reality, I feel like there's no point in asking about deliveries, drugs, etc. because I really don't believe we'll get to that point. The doctor, on the other hand, was talking like I'm going to have a baby and be a mother and everything. It was very surreal.

Denial lives here.

At least Mr. December was able to come along and ask all of his questions. He was mostly concerned with the weight gain and nutrition aspects of things. Thank God Dr. F. straightened him out - pointing out that women have different gaining patterns in the first tri, and that all are ok, and that weight gain in the second and third tri should be about a pound a week. Mr. D said that her answer was much more relaxed than what he read in What to Expect. No shit. I should really burn that book.

So I have to make an appointment for a nuchal translucency scan, and go for some bloodwork... and that's it. It was actually my first doctor appointment in a long time where nobody asked me to take off my clothes. Weird.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

sick, tired, bored.

This cold is hitting me with the triple whammy.

I'm stuffy-nosed and coughing. My head feels all cottony. I'm most definitely sick.

Totally exhausted, to the point where after standing up for 5-10 minutes I NEED to sit right away. Don't know what would happen if I didn't, and don't want to find out.

I'm bored out of my skull. I pretty much need to be sitting and lying down all the time. Don't feel well enough to go anywhere. And... the best of it is... I'm home alone because Mr. December had to go celebrate father's day with his parents. He'd better bring back cake.

And as I type that last line, I realize that I don't even want cake. I'm not hungry for anything... which is probably a problem, since I haven't eaten much all day. I hope Lumpy can make like a parasite this week... I'm clearly not doing my job in the nutrition department.

Ok, whine over.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Babymoon in Vegas!

As I type, Mr. December is making arrangements for a trip to Las Vegas! I'm so excited... can't wait! I'll be 16 weeks by the time we go, so hopefully I'll be able to enjoy the giant buffets - cause we all know I won't be enjoying the drinks. Ooh, and maybe I'll be filling out my maternity tankini a little more and I'll actually look pregnant. That would be cool.

In the meantime, this cold is seriously kicking my ass. The symptoms aren't so terrible, but I'm more exhausted than usual. I feel like I'm sleeping my way through the first trimester, which is actually fine by me. I really just want to get to the nuchal translucency test and make it past the 12 week mark.

To all my readers who are still cycling, still at the starting gates of this journey, I'm thinking of you and praying for you all the time. I will NOT allow myself to succumb to "pregnesia". The IF process sucks in more ways than one... money-sucking, energy-sucking, sometimes soul-sucking. Just sucky. So... in my clumsy and probably dumb way, I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of all of you, with love and hope.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I've got that coldy feeling

I'm getting sick. Like, sore throat and stuffy nose sick. Bah.

On the upside, I finally have a doctor to deliver my baby - thanks to Aurelia's great recommendation. I'm seeing her (the doctor) on Monday, and I'm hopeful that the cold doesn't get so bad that I need to see someone before that. I'm just laying low, drinking lots of orange juice, napping, and wishing for chicken soup.

Thanks for all the thoughts on that weird note from my neighbours. We're going to try to speed up the carpet-removal process so that we can get a junk removal company to come and take the debris out of our open garage. Until then, the offending neighbour can kiss my shiny metal ass.

I'm hungry. Maybe Mr. December will bring me soup.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

what the fucking fuck?

We got this letter in our mailbox at our new house:

It immediately sent me into a rage, because

a) it's anonymous, so the person who sent it is too chickenshit to just say something
b) the person who sent it has the audacity to speak for all the neighbours (I'm pretty sure they didn't have a meeting and vote unanimously on this one)
c) all of the neighbours in a 5-house radius know that we haven't moved in yet, are still renovating, and that renovations are messy.
d) I do not want to be bullied into obeying someone else's arbitrary standards for garden neatness.

So, faithful readers, I need you to vote on what I should do next. Please consider the following options:

1. Post a big, ugly sign on the lawn that says, "dear neighbours, when we have completed our renovations we will be happy to clean up our yard and keep it that way. Sorry for the sign, but since you contacted us anonymously we have no idea of how better to reach you. Thanks."

2. Send a reply letter to all of the neighbours with a copy of this letter attached.

3. Go around to every neigbour's house and ask, "do you know who's in charge of sending these things?"

4. Cover my lawn in pink flamingoes.

5. Cover my lawn in garden gnomes.

6. Buy a totally wrecked car, and prop it up on cinder blocks as a lawn ornament.

7. Paint the garage and front door bright turquoise (it's a very sedate, traditional neighbourhood)

8. Just ignore them and keep on doing what we're doing.

Help me out... right now I'm still using the word "fuck" at an alarming frequency... so I'm still pissed about it. I'm gonna go get a chipwich; you guys vote on what to do, and then I'll take some action.

Thanks in advance. Other suggestions are also welcome.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

why husbands should be illiterate, and other stories

Mr. December sat down to read "What to expect when you're expecting". Then he started asking me about my diet... how much fruit do I eat, how about veggies, how nutritious is my diet really, and how much weight have I gained? He was really nice about it, but I just kind of wish he hadn't read that book's recommendations... especially since it says you should gain 3 or 4 pounds total in the first tri, and I've already gained 5. I shudder to think what I might have gained if I hadn't been so nauseated through weeks 5, 6, 7, and 8. Anyhow, I'm hoping he'll go back to his games and puzzles and forget about all the "shoulds" he just learned from that damned book.

I was productive today! I sold some stuff on craigslist and got some info we were missing. I gave notice on our apartment AND had time to watch Sex and the City... my favourite show for mindless entertainment.

I will be 10 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I'm having a hard time resisting the temptation to start telling people, especially since the people who know me already think I'm showing. Ugh. Maybe I should just hide in my apartment for the next two weeks.

Monday, June 11, 2007

All clear.

Everything's fine. We did an ultrasound this morning and saw Lumpy's heartbeat, nose, fingers, arms and legs. Everything looks perfect and measures exactly to date.

My cervix is tightly closed on the inside, where it counts, and we could see the mucus plug. Nice Jewish Doctor said that the external os might feel a bit open, but that's a matter of individual anatomy and not something to be concerned about as long as it's closed internally. My cervix is measuring 4.2 cm long, so no problem there.

So... I need to work on my anxiety levels, but Lumpy is doing fine and everything looks great. In only two weeks I can stop pretending I'm just fat.

Here's a peek, for those who think they can tell Lumpy's head from his ass:

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Quietly freaking out

Two nights ago when I was putting in my progesterone, I hit my cervix. So being the curious girl I am, I felt around a bit...

it felt OPEN.

So I need to know, is my cervix supposed to be soft and puffy with a finger-sized dimple in the middle? It's freaking me out.

Times like this I wish I was married to a gynecologist.

Anyhow, any words of advice would be much appreciated. I'm slowly going crazy over here.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

the stuff cravings are made of

I made Mr. December go for a walk with me... and we ended up - surprise, surprise - in front of our local gourmet ice cream store. What's a gal to do?

I'd been nauseated all evening and nothing really tasted right... and then I met my destiny. Strawberry ice cream, home made. It tasted as perfect as anything ever could. From the moment I first laid tongue on it, it seemed so right.

I'm stupidly shortsighted, though. I only got one scoop. But oh, that feeling of perfect ecstasy...

Monday, June 04, 2007

Things I've learned (renovation update)

I've learned that if you have an old house, none of the walls will be straight. The kitchen cabinet guys will tell you during the planning phase that they can deal with it, but when installation time comes they will bitch and moan about the necessary modifications.

When planning where to put electrical service, RTFM - read the fucking manual of each appliance. That way you might discover *before* the electrician's visit that the microwave has its plug on the top.

There is an alternative to TSP that doesn't need any rinsing.

If you're using a stain/odour blocking primer, you need to paint over it within 24 hours. Otherwise you'll get crap results.

It pays to call a store ahead of time to inquire about the availability of stuff you need. Unless you like running to four different Home Dep.ot stores to find the perfect cabinet hardware. In traffic. During construction season.

Sometimes procrastination is beneficial - you may discover that a faucet you meant to pick up a month ago is now deeply discounted. Of course, the only one left is at a faraway store. Which you'll run to immediately, gas prices be damned.

You will one day wake up and realize that all the reno experts who said "don't move too much plumbing, it'll cost an arm and a leg" weren't just talking out their asses. You will grudgingly give up your spectacular bathroom plan for one that keeps the toilet and the tub right where they are now.

When you find a trustworthy contractor with a good work ethic, be exceptionally nice. You never know when you'll have to ask them to come in late at night, right after their family vacation, to fix something you should have planned properly the first time. And don't forget to call and say "thank you" when it's done.

Try not to undertake major renovations when pregnant. The process goes a lot more smoothly for you if you lubricate yourself with booze (I assume).

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Still here

I needn't have worried about feeling fine. Less than 24 hours later I was puking. Now I'm still queasy and nothing except potato chips and rice thins seems appealing. Mmm. Nutritious. Maybe I should get some of those gourmet sweet potato chips?

Nothing new to report. Sleepy. Tired. Managed to clean the house on Friday. All is fine.

I'm reading all your blogs, but lacking the energy and creativity to post replies. I think I'll just have to start posting "insert witty observation here".

Friday, June 01, 2007

Google has failed me.

Yesterday was the first day that I didn't feel nauseated. At all. So of course I started worrying. And what do we do when we worry? Google.

But all of my queries abot when the placenta kicks in were in vain... so I'm still in the dark. Is my body ramping up its own hormone production? What's the scoop? Why do I feel better?

In other fun news, both midwifery practices I called are unable to fit me into their caseload. Ugh. I'd really rather have a midwife than an OB... guess I'll have to start calling doctors' offices now. Boo.


Since I'm feeling good, I have a productive day ahead of me. Our apartment is messy AND smelly and I'm going to clean it up. And I'm baking challah for the first time in months.

Have a great Friday, everyone.