Saturday, June 30, 2007

Wow, I'm just lazy

It's not that I'm not having thoughts about posts all the time... it's not that I have nothing to post about.

I'm just lazy. Sorry.


We told my cousin, my grandmother, and an aunt about the pregnancy last night. My grandmother beamed and said nothing. My aunt, who knows about our IF journey, said "Oh, that's wonderful." and my cousin kept saying, every four minutes, "oh my god, you're PREGNANT? You're gonna have a BABY? That's amazing!"

Did I mention that said cousin is 39 years old?

Anyhow, his constant outbursts annoyed my grandmother, who said that it was too much talk about the pregnancy and wouldn't be good for the outcome. But for just a few minutes, I was genuinely feeling glowy and excited about being pregnant. The feeling faded, but I'm so grateful to my cousin for helping me to feel it, even a bit.

Why am I so un-excited? And when will that change?

7 comments:

Ariah said...

I'm so glad you got to "feel pg" even if the feeling didn't completely stick!

Don't worry about not completely buying into it yet, there are days I still don't - that I look in the mirror and am like, "yipes, I'm pg"!

Just take it day by day - each day it feels a little bit more real.

I'm so happy for you!

My Reality said...

I think you might start feeling it a little more when Lumpy gives you a swift kick in the ribs!

Aurelia said...

It takes time, but sooner or later it will become real, hmmm, yes, maybe right around the time you get a kick from Lumpy!

Heather said...

I think it is partly the IF curse... and it makes you cautious. You have been burned before (every BFN you were hopeful for)

Sara said...

Kicks help - as will round ligament pain and your belly sticking out past your boobs.

sariel & shlomit said...

As somebody around here said recently, just because you are pregnant and then have a child, doesn't mean you're not still infertile....on some level that feeling probably never goes away....i'm hoping it'll sink in more and more and you will soon be feeling that glow more often and for longer periods....like the others said, when lumpy kicks, it may all change!!!

peace
shlomit

Karen said...

Don't worry about being "unexcited"... I think part of it is that you think people have this expectation of exactly what kind of reaction you SHOULD be having, and your reaction ISN'T going to be a stereotypical one for three reasons:
1. You have your own independent personality
2. You have had a miscarriage.
3. You've been through infertility.

It's hard to overcome those last two and get to a stereotypical reaction. I certainly didn't have that. Do you know I still don't have a lot of glowy excited moments? And you don't get a whole lot more pregnant than me! Most of the time I just wonder when I'm going to FEEL pregnant (emotionally, I mean... physically I DEFINITELY feel pregnant!).

It will definitely feel more real when you start to "feel" (physically) more pregnant and when you're unmistakeably pregnant looking, that's for sure. And whatever you do, don't expect yourself to have some reaction to the pregnancy thing just because everyone around you expects it of you.