Monday, November 30, 2009

I can't do this again.

I'm spotting.

Before you ask, no, we didn't have sex. I did put in my progesterone, but other than that nothing has been in or out of there in a while. I don't see any mundane reason why this should be.

It's more than just a bit of spotting, it's a smear of pinkish red on the toilet paper. It took five or six wipes to get it to disappear, only to reappear the next time I (obsessively) went to pee.

This is eerily familiar, like my pregnancy with Squishy, we've already seen a very reassuring heartbeat. As with Squishy, we're scheduled to fly out of town at the end of the week. Last time I flew to Spain even though we knew our baby was dead. This time I won't be flying if the news is anything but reassuring. I might not be flying if the news is reassuring, either. As much as I'd miss Mr. December, gone as he'll be for three weeks, I wouldn't like to miscarry in a foreign country. Not again. Not with a toddler.

I'll call the clinic as soon as I wake up tomorrow and beg my way in for an ultrasound. I'll update you promptly after that. Needless to say, I'm totally freaked out.

I know that there are women who spot or even full-out bleed through their pregnancies and deliver healthy babies... that's not making me feel better, though. A good ultrasound tomorrow would still only tell me that as of this second, nothing is wrong. Nothing about the second after that, or the next day, or the next six months.

Holy shit, I'm scared.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It's been eight days since my last blog post.

We went back to the clinic today. My heart was, once again, in my throat - but that's okay, because the embryo's heart is exactly where it should be, beating 150 times per minute. That's a pretty awesome heart rate, if you ask me!

Dr. Eyebrows first said the length indicated an age of 8w3d, which was NOT okay with me, seeing as this was eight days after we measured 7w5d... and then he got a better image and announced that it was more like 8w6d. So all is well. The little embie that could is looking an awful lot like a gummy bear. Mmmmm... gummy bears!

We got a couple of pics and some hugs from the doctors and nurses. One of my favourites said she'd better be the first person to hear about the birth, after the grandparents. I'll try to remember to send them a card this time.

I can't in good conscience call this embie either Phineas or Barnaby. Those names just have to go together. Instead, given my due date, this little one will henceforth be known as June Bug.

That is all.

Monday, November 16, 2009


It's a heart rate, not a beta.

We just got back from an ultrasound at the clinic. There's one embryo (only one, thank God), measuring 7w6d, with a heartrate of 141 bpm. Everything looks normal.

I still feel more than a little anxious. I need to breathe. I need to focus. Maybe I just need chocolate.

We didn't get a picture... their printer was not working. Okay, not so much not working, but it had become disconnected from the computer and they didn't know how to reconnect it. Dr. Eyebrows asked if I'd like to come back next week and see if we could get a picture then. I take it from his astonished laugh that my "yes!" was pretty forceful.

So... good news, but somehow I'm not feeling it, and hey, you'll get a pic next week.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Hormonal much?

My MIL is spending the day with us, playing with Kali.

Her voice is grating on me. Her habit of over-pronouncing words is driving me to distraction. Kali is young, not hard-of-hearing. I'm pretty sure she can hear all the sounds in that word, given the fact that she can SAY it correctly. I'm just sayin', ya know?

And I'd appreciate it if grandparents were just a bit more able to focus on one activity at a time, instead of talking about all the fun things they're gonna do next. 'Cuz Kali was eating her omelette very nicely until a certain someone mentioned reading stories... I'm just sayin'.

And really, Kali is pretty independent for a toddler. Please do not hover while she climbs the junglegym. She's been doing it by herself since August. Also, it's hard to climb when somebody else's body is just an inch away from yours. I'm just sayin'.

It is difficult for me to conclude my business with the window guy the insurance sent me when someone else keeps butting in with questions of vinyl vs. wood. We've already made the decision. This is my house, and I reserve the right to know my own mind. It's rude to start asking pointed questions obviously aimed at trying to get me to reconsider. I'm just sayin'.

I guess what I'm really just sayin' is that I need to get out of this house, or else MIL does. I can nap through pretty much anything, but sadly her strident voice does not fall into that category.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


So, I don't have a problem with maternity clothes. I don't find them super-expensive, many of them are really nice, and they fit me well. But for some reason, this time around, I could not find a single pair of maternity jeans that looked good on me. Instead I headed over to Bl.uenotes and bought a couple pairs of sexxxxy jeans that actually looked good. I've been holding them together with elastic bands ever since.

Today I converted my pair of ultra-low-rise flare jeans into maternity jeans. This is what I can do when left to my own devices for, oh, say 1 hour:

Monday, November 09, 2009

With apologies to Stacy...

Sorry. I didn't mean to leave you all hanging. Believe me, I'm not going to abandon the blog. As this pregnancy progresses you'll all be privileged to hear my snarky rants. I promise.

As I've learned before, the best way to change the situation is to blog about it. Since my last post I've had no ovary pain, and even though I still seem to have a rather large belly, I don't feel bloated anymore. In fact, I don't feel much of anything. I'm pretty symptom-free.

And yes, I just typed that with the goal of not being symptom-free for much longer.

I shouldn't lie or exaggerate. I have been getting odd attacks of "I'm so hungry, if I don't shove some carbs in my mouth NOW then I'm gonna puke". But they haven't been frequent, and I can't deny that I'm remembering how desperately nauseated I was at this point in my pregnancy with Kali. Frankly, I found the daily vomiting a bit reassuring.

This time around, I've managed to find myself a midwife. For those just joining us, when I was pregnant with Kali I called all the midwives in the city the DAY I got my BFP. They were all full, not taking any more clients. I was put on waiting lists and ended up in the care of a (wonderful, very competent) family physician. This time I called the day I saw those two shadowy lines... and today I met my midwife. It was a great meeting, but I'm not in the mood to describe everything right now. Suffice it to say, I'm pleased with my choice.

Okay, I will comment on one thing. She asked for the date of my LMP. Accustomed to doctors and their stupid wheel, I gave her the fabricated date I figured out by counting backwards 14 days from my egg retrieval. And then... my jaw dropped as she asked whether I have a regular 28-day cycle, or whether there's any other reason to believe that the wheel might not be right. I was in shock! I just reassured her that my cycle was tightly controlled throughout the IVF process, and that the clinic has not said anything to contradict the due date that we've figured out. Which is, incidentally, June 30.

And, having (mostly) caught you up, off I go to relieve myself of the restrictions of pants. I need to spend some quality time with my sewing machine, some stretchy material, and my favourite jeans.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Mild OHSS?

So, really, this bloating is not cool. I look pregnant - my belly is round, instead of the lumpiness I'm used to. And I have sharp ovary pains periodically, like ovulation pains, but worse. They especially happen if I twist while turning over in bed.

Is this mild OHSS? Should I be concerned?

In other news, my stomach seems to be unhappy... is it still called morning sickness if it's exiting the other end?

As Mr. December often reminds me, I'm so gross.