Sunday, January 31, 2010

Some kinds of waiting suck more than others

Today I was brutally reminded that some kinds of waiting suck way more than others.

My aunt (technically, my cousin's wife, but she's way older than me and she's just my aunt, ok?) is dying. She's had cancer for at least the past two years, probably longer. This morning we got the call that she has a few days left, if that. Of course we went over there. Of course I hung out with my cousins, her kids, and reassured them that they don't have to be social with the fifty bazillion people coming to say goodbye. And I ached for them, not just for the weddings and births at which their mother will always be missing, but for the fact that they have nothing to do for the next few days but wait. They don't feel like eating, or sleeping, and they certainly don't want to go anywhere. They don't want to sit next to her, because they don't want this image of her to be branded into their minds over all the other happy memories. They're just waiting for her to die.

In this perspective, the two-week-wait sounds like a total cakewalk, emotional rollercoaster and all.


Anonymous said...

aww.. That's a terrible feeling! My MIL died last year from cancer at the age of 57. I feel bad because we couldnt give her a grandchild while she was alive.

Heather said...

You are absolutely right. I'm so sorry.

Jay3fer said...

With the 2ww, at least you know it's exactly two weeks, and then you'll know either way (within a day or two; I know not everybody gets a BFP or decisive BFN by 14 dpo).

For me, the worst part of the "death wait" would be putting everything on hold because you never know how long it will be.

'Course, I wouldn't know... I'm the glass-half-full moron who, when my mother said my father could die any day, flew to Israel. Doh!

Again, strength.