Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Everybody but me...

The online communities I'm part of have seen an incredible baby boom in the last few weeks. All of the girls who comforted me after my miscarriage are now pregnant (after miscarriages of their own). Most of the girls who started trying after I got pregnant are now pregnant.

We went to my cousin's wedding in Crown Heights. Interesting experience, but largely painful for me because there were pregnant women everywhere. And most of them were younger than I am (which says a lot, because I'm only 26).

I feel like the last infertile standing.

Did I mention that I probably haven't ovulated yet? And that my hubby doesn't want to do the bloodwork today (for no particular reason), which will just delay the results and the subsequent medical treatment?

Sometimes I wonder whether god actually wants me to have kids. I really really wonder.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

have i mentioned how much i feel for you?!!!!
i hear you, girl...and also feel left in the dust as i watch all these women in my various online communities getting preggo and leaving me behind...it's a krap feeling...but you are on the right route and i for one feel confident that you will be in the preggo club soon!

you should check out my friend's blog you may enjoy it...it's itcouldtakethreemonths.blogspot.com
(there's also a link on my blog if that didn't work!)
hang in there!
peace
shlomit

ms. c said...

Hey Sara,
I would seriously not be lying when I say I know very well where you are coming from. The only difference is that I have yet to acheive pregnancy... I am so so sorry for you loss, and all the pain that the miscarriage is causing you. It seems like you are getting some good help, though.
Blogging is a great outlet. The support of the women (and men!) that you will find here is amazing. Before I joined this community, I was sad a frustrated nearly 99% of my day. I felt broken and abnormal (ok, sometimes I still do), but I have also found so many people who understand, empathize and do not say stupid crap about what I am going through. We are all here with a common goal, and the support is phenominal (even from the women who acheive pregnancy... we all know where you are coming from.)
Please visit me at my home, and read all about my last year (yikes!) and the wait I endured to see my RE. It was long and painful (7 helpless months), but now that we have finally started some treatment I feel that it was well worth it. Please have a work up done to look for PCOS... I diagnosis might give you some comfort, as well as direction in how to begin treatment.
I wish you much strength and ovulation in the future while dealing with IF. It totally sucks, but with help and the right support, I know you can acheive what you want.
Stick with your blog... I want to know how your story unfolds.

ms. c said...

Also...
Read down my blogroll... there are many women on there with PCOS. It is interesting to read about different treatment plans and choices.

Anonymous said...

I'm 26 with PCOS and I totally understand your frustration. It took months to get in to see a local doc and then I had to wait again to see an RE. I have to be on some form of drugs to get my cycle and even then it is rare (read: only with additional drugs) do I ever ovulate.

Glad you are here.

Anonymous said...

You are most decidedly NOT the last infertile standing. (I just happened upon your blog today) But I do understand why you feel that way.

I'm almost 31 with PCOS and I've been TTC since I was 26. I've had four IUIs, one pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage at 12+ weeks.

As for weddings in Crown Heights... well, that's an infertile's nightmare! Do you know how many weddings I've been to where the Mother of the Kallah is pregnant? Okay, I haven't been to that many, but I've known of probably 2 dozen such weddings (it's just they always seem to be during the week when I can't go).

But do keep blogging. There are lots of supportive infertile myrtles in the blogosphere. Look at the big list o' blogs on Julie's blog: www.alittlepregnant.com Blogging really is a useful outlet.

My Reality said...

Hi Sara,

Welcome to the infertlity blogosphere. I am sorry you have to be here and that you have suffered the pain of a miscarriage. That is just so unfair. You aren't the only one who isn't pregnant, even though it often feels that way. I have been trying for 4 years, on and off. It really takes a toll on you. If we live in the same big city, I am just outside of Toronto, maybe we could meet for coffee or lunch or something and just chat. You can email me at disenchantedreality at hotmail dot com. There is also a link to my email in my profile. Infertility sucks but blogging makes it easier. The people you meet really help with so many things. Take care. I will be back to check on you.