Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Scenes with the in-laws

Well, I'm heavily pregnant and hormonal, and mothers' day has just passed, which means it must be time to gripe about the in-laws. (Really, I know that my joy in doing this is one of my major spiritual failures. I conquered envy this year, next year I'll work on the in-law thing.) Rather than editorialize, I'm just going to give you the actual scripts. Enjoy... in that schadenfreudische way that blog readers do...

MIL: You don't use a wipe every time you change her diaper, do you?
Decemberbaby: Yes, we do.
MIL: I mean, I'll wipe if there's poo, but otherwise, do you really need to?
December: Would you wipe yourself if you'd been sitting in pee for a couple of hours?
MIL: I guess so...


December: Um, Kali woke up soaking wet this morning. Why did you put her to sleep in a swim diaper?
MIL: I didn't see any other diapers where you usually have them.
December: Well, there was a bag of new diapers on the floor next to the change table, and there's a basket of cloth diapers there too.
MIL: I didn't think you were using the cloth ones anymore.
December: They're a lot more absorbent than swim diapers. Swim diapers actually only hold solid waste. Did you know that?
MIL: well, there weren't any other diapers.
December: *facepalm* Okay, next time just call my cellphone if you can't find something.


December: The carseat looks a little off kilter. Did you guys re-install it?
MIL: No, we don't even know how.
December: (lifting the carseat up off the seat and moving it around) Well, it's not connected to the car except by the top tether. In a collision she'd probably just fly up and hit the ceiling with the weight of the carseat behind her.
MIL: Who would disconnect it?
December: It was installed with the seatbelt... probably one of your passengers disconnected it by accident while trying to undo their own seatbelt.
MIL: I don't remember having any passengers recently...
December: did it look or feel off centre when you put Kali in this morning?
MIL: You know, I didn't look.


Heather said...

I don't even know where to begin??

Does she not wipe when she pees?
How did your husband survive?

Shutting up now!

FosterAbba said...


Slapping my forehead, repeatedly...

Caro said...


Jay3fer said...

Argh indeed!
However... sigh... having not QUITE conquered envy myself, I do think some kudos must go to in-laws who actually visit, take the kid out, and probably even remember her birthday.

On a lighter note: swim diapers. What are they all about? Unless your child would normally be swimming bottomless, they don't really do more than a reasonably snug bathing suit could.

p.s. We have done the carseat thing ourselves a few times. Big kid gets out, accidentally unbuckles carseat, doesn't comment because they know how much work it is to thread the $#!^ thing back through. Yes, we check. But still.

Dora said...

OMG! I'm laughing (sorry) and rolling my eyes. Especially the first one. EWWWWW! Stingy with wipes???? That's so wrong!

Hollyn said...

headdesk headdesk headdesk

Even with the concussion I probably gave myself, I will probably care for your kids better than that...

(more headdesk)