I am so immature...

... but you know what makes me laugh uncontrollably?

The phrase "like throwing a hot dog down a hallway." Seriously. Because this one time I actually pictured it, and started thinking about the futility of throwing a hotdog (even a giant sausage, or to be more ambitious, a huge salami) down a hallway (even a tiny little hallway like the one that runs from my bathroom to the guest bedroom) and WHOA. Uncontrollable laughter.

Really. Take your time. Cook a hotdog. Grab it (no bun, that's cheating, or at least major "hotdog" surgery) and toss it down the hall. Javelin-style is my method of choice, but you can be creative. Watch it fly through the air. It makes no contact with the walls, there is no pleasing friction whatsoever. The hallway is completely oblivious ("um, did you throw it yet?"). And then the hotdog passes the peak of its trajectory and falls to the floor with a flaccid slap.

Can you honestly say that you've tried visualizing it, and you're not laughing? Really?

So this is why I'm chortling tonight. What makes you laugh?

Irrational IVF fear

This is gonna sound really stupid, because I'm sure that there are scarier aspects of IVF (like the sedation, or the bigass needle they poke THROUGH your vagina to get to the eggs), but I'm really scared of PIO. It sounds like a giant scary shot that'll leave me with a lumpy, itchy ass, and I want no part of it.

Aurelia - does our clinic use PIO? Or will Dr. Eyebrows let me get away with the suppositories?

Post-game analysis, delayed.

So when my nurse called with the negative beta result, she asked me what we'll be doing next cycle. I asked her to check with Dr. Eyebrows and get back to me. Apparently Dr. Eyebrows really wants us to come in for another review appointment.

Are you ready for the kicker?

His next available appointment is...






August 25.

In theory, this would mean missing out on one, possibly two cycles. Probably two. You know I'm not a patient woman. Losing two cycles? No thank you! I've decided that while we're waiting for Dr. Eyebrows to meet with us, we'll try another round or two of IUI with femara. I got follicles, as many as I did with puregon, so I don't see that it's a problem.

Or maybe I'll do one cycle with Femara and take the other "off", and just drink lots of Fertilitea so that I ovulate. That might be fun... and cheap.

Adding insult to injury...

I still have crazy EPS. Sore boobs, low back aches, and I'm the queen b**ch today. Seriously, I cannot believe some of the things coming out of my own mouth. It's a good thing Mr. December is a patient and good-humoured man.

At least my royal bitc*iness paid off at Home Depot... we came home with a barbecue for significantly less than they originally wanted. Score one for my inner bi*ch and the bargaining skills she honed in Tunisia.

BFN.

Today is 13 dpo, and the pee stick is negative. Another day, another negative test, another chunk of money spent on fertility treatments. Life goes on, I suppose.

Et tu, supernose?

I can smell fresh earth. Someone on my street is digging up a garden bed. And here I am in my living room, smelling it like it's right under my nose.

Ah yes, supernose. Harbinger of pregnancy... or progesterone.

My symptoms will do anything and everything not to let me know whether I'm pregnant or just crazy. I think I'll call it the EPS Omerta.



UPDATE at 3:51 p.m.:

I will not be swayed. Absolutely not. Even though when I walk into my recently renovated (i.e. completely gutted and rebuilt) bathroom, I can distinctly smell the odors of smoke and cat pee that the previous owners so kindly left for us.

did anybody get the license plate...

... of the Mack truck that hit me?

The progesterone is hitting me hard today. Earlier I had that "if I don't eat I'm gonna vomit" sensation. We came home from a trip to the petting zoo, Kali went straight to bed, and so did I. It was 1:45.

It's now 6:17, and I woke up 20 minutes ago. I could easily go right back to bed.

You know, I wouldn't mind these side effects if there was a good reason, namely pregnancy. But dealing with the progesterone and knowing that I'm probably not pregnant, well, that's just bull. I hate it. I hate that I lost three productive hours today when I could have been gardening, or restoring our garden bench, or even visiting with a friend. It just plain sucks.

Proud parenting moment

I thought I was proud when Kali ate a mouthful of dirt a while back. But really, nothing could please me more than what I saw today.

I gave Kali a cup of juice and then went back to cooking dinner. After a while I realized I hadn't heard her in a while, so I investigated. There was giggling coming from the back of the house, and I found her in the hallway near her bedroom.

She was holding a blankie and her baby doll, lying on her back, feet up on the wall, staring at the sunlight dancing off the wall, and giggling.

Other parents have lofty goals for their kids; to know the alphabet by age one, to read Chaucer before nursery school, to bring world peace with nothing but fishsticks and a ball of rubber bands. My main parenting goal is even loftier - I want Kali to become completely able to entertain herself without adult intervention or direction. I'm her mom, not her recreation director.


(this post has been brought to you by big N and little n - what begins with those? Oh yeah, nine new neckties, nightshirt, NOSE!)

6dpo, and clarification

It's 6dpo... again.

Not that I have anything to report, because our last cycle led me to conclude that there are absolutely no reliable, definitive EPS. No, I'm just kinda keeping count... so that I remember to go in for my beta next week.

It's not that I'm totally pessimistic. In my book, pessimism is saying, "this isn't going to work, because it never works, and I'm never gonna get pregnant." I really do think I'm just realistic. "This probably won't work, because - let's face it - IUI only boasts a 25% chance of working in any given cycle. So it could work, but it probably won't. Whatever." See the difference?

I have a favourite quote about ttc, from my former favourite show on TV: "G-d is going to send us a baby. We just have to do all the paperwork, and be persistent to the point of obnoxious." (Charlotte on SATC)

I can do obnoxious. Embarrassingly well, actually. Please, just remind me not to shoot any obnoxious my in-laws' way... they probably got enough from me when we were ttc the first/second time.

Pessimism, or reality?

So I got inseminated today...

(huh. It sounds like the beginning of a very offbeat stand-up comedy set, but I don't know where to take it from here. Any thoughts?)

Anyhow. The day before the trigger I had a follicle at 17mm, and the next one behind was 13 mm. So really, we're probably just talking about one follicle.

We had 18 million motile sperm post wash, which is pretty decent.

Nice Jewish Doctor said, "it looks really good. I think you've got a great chance this cycle". To which I responded, "um, thanks, but we've heard that before."

"And you've gotten pregnant before," he pointed out. "Try to stay positive. It helps."

Well, thanks, doc. I may have gotten pregnant before, but that was once, out of six cycles that looked "really good".

Am I being pessimistic, or just realistic? And does it really have any bearing on whether or not sperm meets egg, sperm likes egg, egg reciprocates warmly, and they decide to make a baby?

Be careful what you wish for...

Last night I prayed. I asked G-d, please, for a healthy singleton pregnancy.

I've been on puregon 75iu this cycle, and at day 10 I had 11 follicles. The doctors started talking about IVF conversion or just canelling the cycle. Hence the prayer.

Went in for monitoring today... I have a lead follicle at 1.7 and the rest are all 1.1 or smaller. We'll likely only have one egg to inseminate this time around.

I'm not complaining - not getting pregnant this cycle would be infinitely better than getting pregnant with quintuplets and having to reduce. But seriously, one follicle? I did better on the Femara most cycles. Oh, and let's not mention the fact that we were trying to get at least one follicle on each side, but here we are with a follicle on the right. I could be wrong, but I believe I had one on the left ovary when I got pregnant with Kali.

So here we are. I've spent $800 on drugs and my chances don't look any better than when I was just spending $35 on Femara.

What's wrong with this picture?