Saturday, October 27, 2007

I fucked up.

My brother is getting married next fall. He and his fiancee had their hearts set on a particular location, which only had one date available.

Mr. December's best friend is getting married next fall. Guess which date he chose?

My brother and his fiancee and the parents hemmed and hawed over the location of the wedding, which of course affected the date (because of each venue's availability). They couldn't decide.

Mr. December's friend kept asking us whether anything was settled. He wanted to go ahead and book his wedding.

On Monday he called and told me that they needed to make a decision by Tuesday. Was the date clear, or was my brother sticking with his original choice of venue and date? At that point, no decisions had been made here. I told the friend that there was no decision in sight, and if he really couldn't wait that he should make the best decision for himself.

Tonight I found out that my brother and his fiancee have decided to go with the original venue and date.

Are you still following?

This means that we can't go to the friend's wedding. It's on the other side of the continent on the EXACT SAME day as my brother's wedding. Mr. December would probably have been the best man at friend's wedding - the friend keeps dropping hints to that effect, anyway. But Mr. December really can't miss my brother's wedding. Even he agrees that if I missed HIS brother's wedding, his parents and whole family would be pissed.

Mr. December is now mad at me for not telling him when the friend called to ask about the date (I may have, but who remembers?), and for not telling him the moment I knew that my brother's wedding date had been fixed. He feels that immediate information might have made a difference, that he would have been able to get his friend to change the date. He's totally pissed off at me.

Know what? I'm pissed off at me. I can't imagine having to choose between MY best friend's wedding and my brother in law's, especially since it doesn't really look like a choice. Actually, I still can't choose. I'd much rather be at my best friend's side. And I like my brother-in-law.

So now I'm feeling bad that I didn't try harder to persuade my brother or the friend to pick a different date... and I'm feeling bad that Mr. December is in this position. It's just bad all around.

Is it too late to call my brother and ask him to find another date at that venue?


Aurelia said...

It's never too late if the deposit hasn't been put down.

As for blame, don't feel bad, reality is that they are all grown ups and there were more factors involved than just your available. The problem is the dithering both parties did, and putting you in the middle is unfair.

To be honest, all this todo in our society about the "Perfect Wedding" begins to wear a bit with me. Really, who cares? Isn't the marriage more important than a one day expensive party?

Elizabeth said...

I would try. Explain the situaiton to both parties, many people should try to resolve this problem. Strange things happen all the time, for example, what if the place calls and says they have a cancellation for another day so the wedding that had the choice of one day now has a seconcd choice. Both weddings are one-year from now, that's enough time in wedding reality to change things. Put the conflict out there for everyone to contemplate and see what happens. Elizabeth from EB.

Caro said...

Nightmare! We had a similar situation last year with my cousin and his best friend. In the end we went to separate weddings as my cousin outranked (for me) and his best friend outranked (for him). I would have loved to be at the friend's wedding though.

More difficult for best friend vs brother though.

missing_one said...

It's never to late.
and the thought I had was,
Can you guys spilt up and he goes to his friends wedding and you go to your brother's?
Repeat after me: You are not responsible for other people's decisions