I just got a call from a friend of ours. He and his wife just bought a house. Wonderful.
Except... they were just recently talking about waiting a couple of years for a house, how they wanted to travel and save up... and suddenly they're buying a house? My spidey sense is tingling. I'd bet money that she's pregnant.
Is everyone else in IF land this bitter and suspicious? I'm not sure if I really am sensing that she's pregnant, or if I'm just paranoid because I can't stand the thought of ANOTHER person getting pregnant after only trying for a few months (they've only been married six months and as I recall she was on the pill for the first two months, so... do the math). I mean, this could all be very innocent, right? People buy houses without being pregnant, right? I mean, look at me... we bought a house and we're nowhere near pregnant. Oh, wait. We started looking because I WAS pregnant, and after the miscarriage we continued looking at houses as a way to keep me preoccupied. So there.
Maybe I'm just worried that if they get pregnant so quickly I'll have to endure watching their perfect happiness that's never been marred, and then I'll have to endure their pity when they catch themselves being too happy in front of me. And then I'll be led to wondering whether they've been rewarded with a baby because they're such amazing people and if I'm just undeserving. You can see where this train of thought is going, right?
And let's not mention the fact that there's something seriously wrong here, because how could I not be thrilled for my friends if they're so lucky as to conceive easily? If they were going through infertility I'd be telling them how I wish they didn't have to... do my current feelings mean that I really do wish they had to, even a little bit? Am I a bad person?
This infertility thing really messes with my brain sometimes.
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12 comments:
I think you're like every single person on the planet who's ever gone through tough times (and that's nearly everybody). We talk a lot on these blogs about how our own pain makes us more empathetic towards others; it's only logical that people who haven't been through it just don't, can't get it, and so are simply unable to really extend the full measure of empathy. And I think that bothers us, it bothers me at least, because I know deep down that their smooth sailing is entirely fortuitous - that it has nothing to do with intrinsic merit or even "earned" merit. I think the worst thing is when the lucky few don't even realize the extent of their good fortune, and how terribly precarious it is. Everything they have and enjoy could be lost in an instant. But until you've experience that kind of loss, you just have no idea. Anyway, just my 2 cents.
btw I really appreciated the post a few days ago about joy. It made me think, and it really encouraged me too. E
I'm also totally with you on the preganoid parade - I'm always scrutinizing women I know for bumps or other indirect indications (a certain secret smile, gaps in conversation, life decisions that seem indicative) - totally.
i *totally* understand what you're talking about. i was certain that a friend of mine hadn't called me for a while because she was pregnant. sure enough, the next time we talked....
I totally understand feeling that way about people who EASILY get pg! I am always getting irritated everytime I find out about yet another person I know "accidentaly" getting pregnant! Irks me. Recently a girl I went to school with posted on myspace that they were "Finally Pregnant" I opened her message and it said "After trying for 3 months!" I wanted to hunt her down and spit in her face! LOL (Kinda harsh huh) Not to mention that she already has 2 kids........One of which she got pregnant with on a church trip when she was like 16!!!! I swear! I get more and more bitter everyday.......
Nope, those sound like perfectly normal thoughts. It's tough when everyone around you takes their fertility for granted. I have long ago convinced myself that there is no justice in this world, and that just as wonderful people get pregnant, horrible people do. Trust me, I've seen enough crack babies being born to totally undeserving mothers. The only way of not becoming bitter is to constantly count your blessings. Thank you so much for your comment on my blog. I've come to realize that the only positive comments I get when I talk about infertility come from infertile women. Maybe being infertile makes us compassionate and kind, which could maybe count as an additional blessing.
oh, i hate the dreaded "i know she is pregnant" feeling...i get it all the time and i'm usually right. i totally know what you are talking about.
In my world you are completely normal. I wish we didn't have to live in this (IF) world, Sara. I really, really wish.
You can buy a house without being pregnant. We did. But I totally understand questioning why they bought a house so soon.
I have been known to track people's cycles and watch out for early pregnancy symptoms. I don't like being caught off guard with pregnancy announcements. If I have a good clue that it is coming, it seems to make it easier.
Oh yeah. I have super infertile spidey sense. I would be thinking the same thing if I were you.
Sometimes I feel like I enjoy being bitter about other people getting pregnant quickly. Whenever I hear about someone who is pregnant, I have to snoop around to find out if they got married after me or before me. If it was after me, I feel insanely jealous.
If you think you're not normal, I must be crazy.
I SO understand your feelings!!
Your not a bad person at all! I'm the SAME way!!
Love & Baby Dust:)
They could've bought a house because interest rates are going up and they wanted to lock in a mortgage.
Maybe? :)
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