a squash in my bed, and a party in my pants

It's pretty much what it sounds like.

We've decided to try co-sleeping with Lumpy, since both Mr. December and I are lazy-asses who'd rather just roll over and take care of the kid than get vertical to take care of the kid. Mr. December is totally paranoid about rolling over on Lumpy and insisted that we get a safe and secure co-sleeper to minimize the risk. Then he insisted on testing to make sure that it worked. We needed a stand-in for Lumpy... and so squashy was born. Four pounds of butternut squash swaddled and topped off with a cute newborn hat. Of course, we'll miss him when he turns into four pounds of butternut squash sauteed with garlic and pureed into a soup, topped with diced chives. But he'll have served his purpose.

As for the party in my pants... as far as I know, Lumpy is still breech. Coming up on 34 weeks, I've decided we might need a little enticement to move into the head-down position. As a music therapy student I learned about mothers who have turned their babies by putting a tape player or headphones in their underwear and playing music. Intrigued by the sounds, the babies turned themselves to better hear the music. Result: head-down and musically educated babies.

So this afternoon, as far as Lumpy knows, there's a ceilidh going on in my pants. Yup, celtic fiddles and drums. What, you expected me to play mozart? What kind of over-parenting freak do you take me for?

Lumpy won't be exposed to any Spinal Tap in utero, though. I don't want to risk a headbanging accident or a mosh pit mishap.