Sunday, November 25, 2007

a squash in my bed, and a party in my pants

It's pretty much what it sounds like.

We've decided to try co-sleeping with Lumpy, since both Mr. December and I are lazy-asses who'd rather just roll over and take care of the kid than get vertical to take care of the kid. Mr. December is totally paranoid about rolling over on Lumpy and insisted that we get a safe and secure co-sleeper to minimize the risk. Then he insisted on testing to make sure that it worked. We needed a stand-in for Lumpy... and so squashy was born. Four pounds of butternut squash swaddled and topped off with a cute newborn hat. Of course, we'll miss him when he turns into four pounds of butternut squash sauteed with garlic and pureed into a soup, topped with diced chives. But he'll have served his purpose.

As for the party in my pants... as far as I know, Lumpy is still breech. Coming up on 34 weeks, I've decided we might need a little enticement to move into the head-down position. As a music therapy student I learned about mothers who have turned their babies by putting a tape player or headphones in their underwear and playing music. Intrigued by the sounds, the babies turned themselves to better hear the music. Result: head-down and musically educated babies.

So this afternoon, as far as Lumpy knows, there's a ceilidh going on in my pants. Yup, celtic fiddles and drums. What, you expected me to play mozart? What kind of over-parenting freak do you take me for?

Lumpy won't be exposed to any Spinal Tap in utero, though. I don't want to risk a headbanging accident or a mosh pit mishap.

7 comments:

Rush said...

Well why not a party in your pants? I have considered trying to move my guy down with a flashlight-- they say the baby will follow the light. Sounds sort of, um, heavenly.
Ach, it is either that or "Into the Woods"-- I am all about musical theater.

I have been reading your blog for a while but never posted. Thanks for your company!

Aurelia said...

Oh, this is hysterically funny. Ok, sweetie, I have never heard of the musical thing, but I want to know if it works!

As for sleeping with a squash? Don't just how it will go with a baby, based on how it will go with a squash. Babies make you produce hormones that make you hyperaware of their needs, men do the same. They also make noise and wiggle and stuff.

So if Mr.December squishes the squash, don't write the whole thing off, k?

The only people in Ontario who have EVER rolled over on their babies, have been drunk or on drugs, legal or illegal. Not something that applies to you I'm sure!

Aurelia said...

errr, judge not just. sigh...

Caro said...

Funny! Let us know if the music thing works.

butterflyanla said...

Thsi post was just too cute.

Cibele said...

OMG< that is so funny...I hope your baby likes the music and comes to hear it closer...

shelbel said...

Thanks for the laugh! Is that like cooking the family pet chicken for dinner & the kids finding out? Sad to see the squash go, but it will taste so good!