Oh, come on.

We were supposed to be getting together tomorrow with our good friends who just got married. They asked if we could move our date to tonight, and could we include another couple as well? Of course we said yes.

We meet & greet on the sidewalk. It's all good. Then we go inside and take off our jackets. The female half of this couple is 31 weeks pregnant.

Her due date - March 17
My due date (before I miscarried, obviously) - March 27

How she spent her day - shopping for strollers and considering various cribs
How I spent my day - hacking up a lung and worrying about my fertility

During the meal, she - rubbed her belly
During the meal, I - sucked in my belly so people wouldn't judge when I took the last handful of fries

All I could think the entire time was, that could have been me. I would have been stroller shopping and rubbing my belly and worrying about epidurals. (yes, the evening included a 30-minute conversation about epidurals and birth plans - because our friends are doctors.) Instead, I was stuck looking at her and wondering, why her and not me? Am I less deserving? Was she so much better at eating the right things? Why not me? Why her?

Does anybody else ever feel this way? Am I always going to be resentful when I see women blissfully experiencing their pregnancy as though OF COURSE a pregnancy equals the birth of a living, healthy child?

Wow. I thought I was done being bitter. Guess not.

Any RSVP's for my pity party?